*4*
I detached myself from everything I called the agency and told them I had lost interest in the job, all the small magazines I worked with stopped calling me especially when the patches appeared on some parts of my face, I stood in front of my dressing mirror studying the horrible patches, I bit my lip tightly to feel if I was in a dream, " Why me?" I questioned quietly, I held my hand up, mom wanted us to visit another doctor bit I couldn't bring myself do it, I ignored the knock on the door, and focused on the reflection on the mirror, I smiled sadly and gnawed on my lips not caring if I injured it or not.
I opened the cabinet and pulled out an old photo album I carefully opened it and stared at the pretty girl looking back at me, I smiled sadly and opened the next one, I threw it away when I couldn't bear the torture anymore, I picked myself off the ground and went to my bedroom I lied on the bed gently caving myself into my body "Please give me the strength to pick myself up" I prayed not even knowing what I was praying to.
I forced myself out of my room the next morning if mom was happy she didn't let on, I smiled at her and did my normal morning routine with her, but I was amazed when she wasn't dressed for work. "Mina.." she called out when I was walking to my room, "Get ready we're going out" she uttered in a stern voice and looked away.
I took in her stoic expression and walked back to my room what was she planning, I couldn't wear a sundress, the patches were now on both my knees and across my calves. I chose a long sleeved button down dress shirt with jeans and tied my hair in a ponytail. I wore a hooded sweatshirt on the shirt pulling out the hoodie to cover my face. Mom shook her head when I came out but didn't utter a word.
Mom was quiet during the ride to the wherever she was taking me, I had an eerie feeling it wasn't going to be good, but she was in no mood to talk to me so, I just looked outside the window as the driver drove to wherever we were going to, "Come out we are here" mom said snapping out of my reverie.
I stood aside as mom paid the driver and held my arm, I held my head down as we walked I hated the strange looks I'll receive from people, I say will cos I've been cooped up in my room since all this started, but I wasn't ready for the funny remarks and strange looks I was going to receive seeing myself in each morning was punishing enough.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I felt the cold air hit my face as we walked into the place but I still held my head down now thankful for the hold mom had on me, I how busy the place was people shuffling around, mom seated me on a waiting chair like I was some deterred people which in actual sense I was, I wish I had something to keep myself busy though, I pulled the sweatshirt to cover my fingers, I didn't know how long she'd been gone, but it was getting on my nerve, why would she let me just sit here with some strangers i don't know and expect everything to be OK.
I felt a hand draped over my shoulder I wanted to look up but I already knew it was mom, she hugged me then rose up, and followed her I watched her hold the knob she released it and raised my head up "Look into my eyes Mina" I looked up and bit my lip "I want you to know that I love you, and I don't care how or what you look like you'll always be my baby girl" I nodded and scrunched my lip "You have to go in alone now, and please do cooperate ok" I nodded and held the knob, she went to the other end of the hallway and sat on one of the waiting chairs which I didn't even realize was there, she nodded and motioned to the door when I hesitated.
**
I closed my eye and opened the door, "You need to come in you know" a voice prodded, I didn't know how long I had been standing there I opened my eye, and entered the room, I looked up and couldn't hold the smile that suddenly tugged on my lip, I don't know why but I fell comfortable with the lady sitting on the chair. "Come have a seat" she said in a friendly voice pointing to the chair, opposite her, "Or would you prefer the couch?" she asked quirking an eyebrow and pointing to a long sofa opposite her in the far end of the room, the place looked cozy and had a hint touch but I didn't feel like going there with her it was like I was being held by something although I really felt like going there. I shook my head and she nodded, I slowly walked to the chair and greeted her, but didn't sit down "Have a seat Mina" I nodded and sat down.
"I finally get to meet you Mina your mom has told me quite a lot about you" I nodded not knowing what exactly mom has been saying about me, "Starting off I'm Soraya Billings and let's just say I'm a very good friend of your moms" I nodded "So tell me Mina how do you feel?" I swallowed hard how could I tell her, I looked down at my fingers intertwining and releasing them, "I-i " I started off but kept quiet again "I -i -I feel like dying" I finally blurted out, I was surprised by my answer but that was how I really felt, dying would be a comfort, "Ok " I looked up knitting my brow, "Why do you want to die Mina?" she asked quietly, "I feel less human, and I feel like a disappointment to my mom" she nodded "But your mom is really proud of you, she told me you did really well in your exam". I smiled at the memory, I was good in school and mom really wanted me to further my education but she supported me when I made a bargain with her, I'll only go back to school if my modelling career hits off.
Although she was sad she still supported me. I nodded and she smiled, “I want you to go back home and think about your life, would you stop living just because you have spots littered all over your body?” she asked quirking her brow, her words brought a sense of peace to my being, I nodded quirkly, "And Mina I want you to know you're beautiful and never think less of yourself" I smiled and nodded.
"I want to go through the treatments with you, but I'd like us to do that tomorrow, I've already stressed you out" "Thanks" I said rising from the chair, "No girl, you don't do that to your mom come over here" she said motioning for me to join her I she met me halfway to her chair and squeezed the life, out of me. I was rigid when she touched me but eased into the hug. "Thank you" I whispered into her ear. "Join your mom and please don't let her worry so much ok" she muttered pulling from the hug and looking into my eyes. I pursed my lips and nodded. "Good girl now let's go see mummy and clarify things".
I stayed outside as she spoke with mom, they've been in there for some time, mom came out beaming like a kid who'd been handed his favorite candy, she hugged me without speaking and held my hand as we walked out of the building, I still couldn't hold my head up.
Meena_Diasso
meenadiasso.blogspot.com
honeys2016.wordpress.com
No comments:
Post a Comment